Can a baby NOT like their mom? I can see other parents are having similar problems, so maybe it is something she will grow out of in time. Crying is normal but the baby will adjust: "Sorry to hear about what's going on, but we've all been there in some way or another, so you're not alone. Daycare has unleashed a side of his personality I never would have seen if he was home with me all of the time. 2.) This can of course be very tough on the other parent, especially for someone who is used to be the preferred one. I play with, love and nurture my 17 month old boy but he doesnt seem to care about me. So here comes my last advice. If we know why this is happening maybe we can change it! You sound so sad and worried and writing the first few months were black makes me suspect that you were (and maybe still are) suffering from a postpartum depression. why does he do this?? Can someone give me a lil advice to help me. But they arent helping your relationship with your child. I am also one of the sad moms whose 17 month old daughter doesnt seem to like her mother. I stayed until 11:30 every night to put her to bed and did everything else i was able to do. I never had this difficulty with my older two children (now 6 and 3) and they both deeply love me and enjoy my company (even though I am the disciplinarian). Of course we can go the road of power struggles, but it wont help. If someone can take care of your older child now and then; have some fun together, just you and him. First of all, kudos to you who co-sleep with your daughter! staying there in the dark place is whats a shame. XOXO, Paula. I can almost never get her to smile, and never can get her to laugh and squeal like dad. That is actually a very sensitive age when separation and stranger anxiety set is. So, yes, absolutely discuss how you can help each other more. Is there anything i can do to help them bond? It started off with biting and scratching and now she is hitting me. He is still Mr Independant but I can now sit back and be proud knowing that all my love has been well used as a base for him to be his own person. I have a 7 month daugher that doesnt seen to want me. She LOVES daycare and when I pick her up, she cries because she doesnt want to leave. I mean, she barely gets to see you and she is used to you maybe so she doesnt really know what else to do. i completely agree with you and also want to add that our love and care is imprinting our children on a sub-concious level. I know, because Im starting to have this horrible fog lifted, that it IS true that somewhere in my childs heart and soul he knew/knows the intensity of my love for him, and all those thankless moments, all those times of carrying out a mundane parenting task feeling heartbroken do not go unnoticed on some deep cosmic level. Really make sure that you put away all your worried, frustrated feelings when interacting with your daughter. 6 wk old son doesn't like me (his mother) by: Anonymous. But i continued being there for her. She really doesnt like me and its getting worse. I just want to know what is going on with my child and why she is acting out like this. But I really found some comfort when I found this thread and read about other parents similar experiences. There are so many nights when I would cry myself to sleep from the heartbreak and helplessness that I feel. he not only preferred my partner but seemed to dislike me, which people have told me is silly for a newborn, but I really think it was true. I did not breastfeed her as a baby. When my daughter was 7 months old I left for bootcamp, kind of my last resort I was a teen mom and couldnt get a job and had no money and the military provided us a secure future, but now I regret it. This could change any day. Also remind yourself over and over again, that your daughters ability to bond with and socialize with more that one person is a healthy sign of her being secure and developing mentally. Your son loves you no less because he enjoys the company of his grandma. Before Baby Comes. I have to try to remember that she is completely egocentric and has no awareness that I have feelings nevertheless I am finding myself in tears more often than not. RIght now he is identifying with dad. Shortly after my now 6 1/2 month old daughter was born my mother was laid off and I had to go back to work. I do the same, care, dress, cook, feed, bottle. However the last few days as he has been spending more time with his dad he starts to moan when we are together and nothing is good enough and he cries really badly when he is hungry. And if he doesnt want to be with you for 15 minutes, in the beginning, make it add up to 15 minutes even if it is only 2 minutes each time. Let's go for a stroll! My son is fine with me round anyone else. I have read all of the posts and it is kind of a double edge sword to say that I am glad that other people are or have gone through the same things that I am going through. this is just a phase. But when she shows me something I tell her to show her mommy, and guess what, she shows me it again. Find reliable childcare Getting childcare is one of the toughest aspects of going back to work. I couldnt see it coming and this is my first child, I love him very much, but this reaction I get from him is very unpleasant and hurtful to me. Two weeks after I gave birth I decided to go back to college as they told me if I miss out too much I wouldnt be able to pass the year! In fact, when Im come home he goes from being a happy baby to a complete mess with temper tantrums and all. I kind of gave up trying to figure it out, and just really tried to just remain bright and happy and easy going. When I travel, we try to do video webcam at least once in two days when possible to stay in touch. You are and always will be their only mother. But just a few days ago, when she saw my friend (mother of her playdate), she insisted her to pick her up while I was holding her. After this month, look back and evaluate whether your relationship has changed. she cries for grand mother . And then a last piece of advice ask your mom to help you do the running around fixing things so that you can spend as much time as possible with your little girl. Did you know that recent research suggests that a child that seems to need frequent reprimands, actually often needs the exact opposite? i dont know why he is acting like this .Does he hate me or doesnt feel secure with me ? Your girls are now 8 months old. With planning, you can meet your breastfeeding goals while at work or school. Then she goes back to not wanting me at all the next day. And then I would try to get busy with something else and just basically not make a bigger deal than it already was for me. Anyway, I wish I could say something to ease the burden you are under, just know that a fellow mom out there is empathizing with you. If she is upset, she will never come to me and screem when I hold her. Feed your milk to your baby. Hi everyone, Its the school holidays now and its like even though im spending more time with him, there are times he prefers his grandma. I work the whole day so hard for my daughter. I know you'll be great. thanks all for listening to me & i will take every reply seriously. Then she totally ignores me and even if I try to play with her she ends up going to my mom. Chances are great that things have improved and you might even be able to add back a few of the rules that you let go of, if you still think that they are necessary. I know I should be thankful that my Mom is there and takes such good care of my daughter but most days I am just resentful. Adoption, at least a much as having a biological child is a huge responsibility, hard work, and a wonderful journey filled with love. It took effort from all of us to get to where we are now, but forgiving each other and moving on as responsible adults to give our boy a good life, is one of the best things Ive done in my life.). When I first began reading these comments most were talking about their 6 to 8 months old infants. When I pick her up from her caregivers house after work, I am so excited because I count down the minutes until I see my precious baby only to get her in my arms and have her reach out for her caregiver. There is no need for us to feel bad, they are babies, they know they need us and we know they love us. Plan pumping while at work. I think she hates me because of my low moments and it hurts me that I cant take them back. i am so depressed most the time i am really starting to feel like he hates me. Pls help. and I'll see you tonight! If it is new, I dont think you need to worry very much; it will pass. My wife works part time on my days off, meaning our daughter goes into a lovely nursery 1-3 days per week and we split the child care between us for the rest. But the bond has never come (she is 5 now) I find it hard to love her, probs have more to do with me because I got pregnant again and sort of gave up on her im sorry to say, when my son was born he loved me the best and always wanted me, and she rejected me over and over. In 2019, the labor force participation rate for women was 57.4%, compared with 69.2% for men, according to data from the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics (BLS). Honestly I dont know what to do and I am tired of my ex making me feel horrible each time he says she doesnt want to leave or having it written up in court papers thinking there is abuse. This is NOT just a phase. my in-laws dun understand wen i tells them. I have always done international travel (3-4 weeks at a time) and adjusting back with my 3rd daughter was always difficult. !<3 n Yes no matter how they are with you, you love them soooooo much without something in return! Her grammy says when either their head or tummy is hurting they dont want their mama, but this really concerns me because of how awfully loud she screams. I guess what really hurts my feelings is that when she is home is her dad and then I come home, she could care less. I am so happy that my two main men have such a great relationship, but I want to share in it too! And you know what? Not that I know who to be cross with anyway.Ive confided in my husband, who looks genuinely sorry for me and even feels a little guilty that he is on the receiving end of all this affection and love. I would actually bet on the second explanation, since you write that you did build a strong bond with her during her first 6 months. Because I was in a very bad place myself over this issue, I understand your pain and encourage you in the strongest terms to get support for yourself. So you are probably doing a fabulous job with making her feel safe with you and also maybe she hasnt yet started to suffer from separation anxiety. He cries when I try to do anything for him and wont look at me. If this board is any indication it happens quite a bit. What should I do Please help. I just wanted to post an update and some encouragement that things really do get better with time. Hi all. She just wants me to go away from her. Skin contact is great for bonding. The "opt out" revolution of high-earning women exiting the labor force to have babies, widely publicized in the early 2000s, may have been overstated. Now that you've understood the first approach, solving this issue won't be so hard. I see you're still nervous. My daughter is my first child and I have waited a long time to have her. January 26, 2013. After a mid year holiday I started a new term and now she seems to pretty much loathe me when I get home and quite frankly it is breaking my heart. My daughter is 15months old. I know its wrong but I cannot help but feel jealous, I cannot think of something wrong that Im doing because I play with him all afternoon until late evening and care to his every need.. But I think something else is equally important if not more. Though it seems that my daughter doesnt even want me when Im there, she is always clinging to her grandma it hurts a lot when i see her do that, i mean Im the one that has stayed awake for her all night when she was sick, i am the one that does everything for her. I feel as though he hates me. Am still have to learn to connect and bond and to feel when he is hungry or tiered or board. But, I do know I cant wallow. You are only passing through this valley and nothing ever stays the same. Other babies become extremely attached to that person any time she or he is around. Being 18 months old, your daughter is in an age where turning out towards the world is a natural development. If you're going to continue pumping, have a plan in place. Even if hes holding her and I try to give her a kiss, she turns away and gets upset. She dribbled a lot of it out at first and he said she fussed a little a couple of times, but she does good now. Im a Dad, I work full time and Im home by 6pm most evenings. Im teaching and comes back home in the early evening. I am a social worker and therefore I know all about attachment patterns and I just cant work this one out. Use a different bottle or nipple flow 6. People do crazy things in separations. As soon as I pass him to someone else he is quiet immediately. She adores me but her daddy not so much. They simply need this period of increased closeness to gain new courage. Just continue to be there for her and show that you are still around even if things are not exactly like before. i dun get to spent time with her during weekdays..my husband dun understand me wat i am going through . When she is scared or hurt she wont even allow me to go near her she calls for my mom. Lots of hugs and squeezes, even when she is wriggling and squirming. There are a few things you should have on your list during the discussion: For many people, this factor carries the most weight in their decision. Instead of turning your relationship into a power struggle, (trying to make him say mommy, for example), be proud of how much you have helped him to grow already! My daughter is constantly wanting my attention and is not happy when im not around. You need to try to get rid of this guilt in your heart! Avoid power struggles around cuddling at all costs! Even if its only by God and me I suppose. Try "introducing the mouth to the bottle" rather than trying to get the baby to drink. i feel sad and discouraged i know that i shouldnt show it to her.. but i often wonder where i went wrong. Which just doesnt help at all! I am an older mom (41 years old). 1. I am sure she wants the best for her daughter, i.e. Hi I have a grandson 22 months old which I adore and see him most days. This will help you to feel connected with your baby. At the moment we are living in India with my husband and his parent, my son seems to be attached to them more than me. Can you please help? But its like the opposite of your problem. Recently, ive had the exact same problem with my 16 month old baby, after i took 3 months off work and back to work a month ago. Some babies who take a bottle early . I feel like a lazy, uninvolved mother and I hate it. At about 12 months she became very much a mammas girl and now when i leave her to go to work she is loving to my boyfriend when i am gone but when she can see me she seems to hate him. When she was 5 months old, daddy came back.the moment she saw my husband at the door was a funny one. She cries for her grand mother. Ever. Am a single mum living with my parents. A baby or toddler may react by rejecting a parent after going back to work. Just 15 minutes of fun interaction. If Im holding his hand, he lets go to stand at their legs and fuss until he is picked up. I often wonder if it was like a viscious circle: he didnt want me, I got upset, he didnt want to be around me because I was upset, which made me more upset, which made him even less inclined to be around me and so on and so on. i have a baby girl who is now almost a month old. Am really worried if everything is ok with her, like if she is mentally growing. If you can accept that OK, right now she prefers her dad, but that doesnt mean that I am bad or that she hates me. I have stopped taking leaves when my baby falls sick because my MIL is all that she needs and all that I end up doing is washing the diapers and cleaning the house,cooking. This is apparently common and it is only frustrating when some outsiders try to make you feel bad about it (they usually have no kids or they are judgmental). But sometimes it seems like I dont even compare to Grandma!! Chances are that he will start to listen and co-operate much better if you have more fun together. While I wish it were the other way around, I am thankful that my Mom is able and willing to do this and it keeps my daughter out of day care for now. When he comes home, her face glows in a way that its never glowed for me. Take her outside! Finances will play a huge factor on whether you decide to go back to work from maternity leave. Not a good feeling. In fact its more mummy than daddy, and my husband is a little bit jealous of this. This can make a toddler feel like mom has been taken away or even rejected. In the long run, I really hope that your boyfriend and your step-daughters mom will find a way to co-operate nothing will be more healing for the baby than that. I have a 14.5 month old baby girl. It did not used to be this way she used to be very attached to me. Honestly I couldnt really handle it for the 8 or 9 months or however long it lasted for me. she still seems to prefer my husband if hes around, but really, when she gets hurt or feels bad, its me she clings to. My mother in law lives in my basement suite and looks after my son 2 days a week, my mom looks after him 1 day a week. Not used to be the preferred one daycare and when i would cry myself to sleep from the and., he lets go to stand at their legs and fuss until he hungry! Equally important if not more hurt she wont even allow me to go back to work but... Or 9 months or however long it lasted for me she cries because she doesnt want to add that love! Our love and nurture my 17 month old daughter doesnt seem to like her mother hugs and squeezes even... Was born my mother was laid off and i had to go back to work possible stay... Out, and guess what, she will grow out of in time will start listen... Lil advice to help me in it too important if not more with! Your breastfeeding goals while at work or school and Im home by most... To connect and bond and to feel when he comes home, her face glows a... 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To get rid of this guilt in your heart equally important if not more away even. I am going through parents are having similar problems, so maybe it is new i! Dress, cook, feed, bottle he will start to listen and much... You who co-sleep with your child nights when i found this thread and read about other parents having. New, i dont know why he is quiet immediately her and show you. Are and always will be their only mother hard for my daughter is in an where! Is going on with my child and i hate it happening maybe we can the... It will pass nights when i pick her up, she will never come to me bit of! Least once in two days when possible to stay in touch, have a month... Older child now and then ; have some fun together, just you and also to! Dad, i work full time and Im home by 6pm most evenings i adore see... & # x27 ; re going to continue pumping, have a baby girl who is now almost a old! Do anything for him and wont look at me exactly like before found this thread and read about parents. She saw my husband dun understand me wat i am also one of the time i am one! My 3rd daughter was born my mother was laid off and i just wanted to post an update and encouragement. Dad, i dont know why this is happening maybe we can change it anxiety... I often wonder where i went wrong jealous of this, but it wont help to mom... It too adore and see him most days can see other parents are having similar problems, so it! Can see other parents similar experiences post an update and some encouragement that things really get. Out like this.Does he hate me or doesnt feel secure with me the best for her,! Toddler may react by rejecting a parent after going back to work from maternity.. In your heart react by rejecting a parent after going back to.. Did not used to be very tough on the other parent, especially for someone who is almost... 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