Because he used up all his cache. Officer: Sure. Book-worms! 2. , Gravity is a contributing factor in 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects. 292. Officer: Sure. Fish and ships. Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn? 253. 186. Despresso. What do you call a dinosaur that asks a lot of deep questions? By how much he is coffin. The best thing about good old days is that we were neither good nor old. Because he was a fun-ghi. He's shy a quarter of a million dollars. 123. As it turns out, a study was conducted in search of the best jokes ever, and, by millions of votes, THIS is it: Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. 3. Robin Williams, I saw a bank that said 24 Hour Banking,'but I don't have that much time. Why did the dinosaur go to the doctor? 173. True for half of the Instagram "gurus" ???? Youll never be as lazy as whoever named the fireplace. In his sleevies! How do you know when the moon has had enough to eat? Inmate: I think I have.. 75. What does it make you if you see a robbery at an Apple Store? 11. Because theyre always stuffed! A literalist takes things literally. What is the opposite of a croissant? mobile app. What do you call a beehive without an exit? In the first version, its clear that were talking about two people called William and Harry as well as more than one dog. How did the blonde die ice fishing? Hey Pandas, What Is Your Favorite Conspiracy Theory? 76. These are missing the word while, with the result that it sounds as though the hat was cleaning the room and the horses were on holiday in Spain. Lets say you dont know whether to fill in this gap with who or whom: During the night, the tape skipped. Peter De Vries, I have the heart of a small boy in a glass jar on my desk. Which superhero hits home runs? Back on the phone, the guy says, "Ok, now what?". 12. Where do cows go for entertainment? She told him only that she loved him. Now the emphasis shifts back to the only, and implies that she could have told him other things, but that she only told him this particular thing. Igloos it together. I am somewhere in between I'm never first or ________. Hey, bud! A garbage truck. 297. He begs the judge to spare his life. Why did the can crusher quit his job? Therefore, I am perfect. Whats a potatos favorite form of transportation? I had to put my foot down. Between you and me, something smells! Inmate: I think I have.. With a pumpkin patch. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. The satisfactory. 156. He was looking a little green. 122. Never mind, its over your head. 210. Funny, but not much of a two-liner, is it. Which one is the most cringe-worthy? Have you ever talked to a lawyer? 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Why are ghosts good cheerleaders? Ten-tickles. Death: Woah! 116. 275. Joan Rivers, If I could say a few words, I would be a better public speaker. A refrigerator. 225. If it was made in China, relax! Moses had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud. Why do seagulls fly over the sea? er, groceries.Don't drink the water here, it's filled with______________, Gayprechaun (gay leprechaun.. :D)My work is _________, Like a whoreI work best when i'm ________, Man-eating pigeons.I want to suck on that big juicy _____________, ScrumdiddleumptiousToday I learned how to _______, Their homeworkI know a man who can ________, telepathically do workThe world is going to______, Roundhouse kick herBut that would be_____. My brother who has a stutter is in prison. Whats the stinkiest planet? Share a giggle with these funny jokes! Christmas jokes - Another set of hilarious jokes to print. Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common? Fight boredom with iPhones and iPads here. 181. Who eats snails? It was tense. type a sentence and leave out a word then see what people write. What is the difference between a teacher and a train? People are always worried about their cell phones or microwaves spying on them. Once. Everything I looked at. Whats red and bad for your teeth? Dia-purrs! 44. Read this article to discover how you can finish jokes with ease. If people say they just love the smell of books, I always want to pull them aside and ask, To be clear, do you know how reading works? A URLologist. Parole denied. It just didnt work out! What do you call a group of disorganized cats? Clever writers sprinkle paraprosdokians into their descriptions, narration, and dialogue to establish a humorous tone. (2022), Mason Jar May Day Basket | FREE Printable Tags, 500+ Hilarious Jokes for Kids {Kid Approved} . Sometimes my dreams are sad. We start with a little rhyme to help you remember what commas are. 250. It was a vicious cycle. What is an insects favorite sport? 6.1K. When I was a kid, my teacher looked my way and said Name two pronouns. I said, Who, me? The fact that there are only two errors.. 182. 91. Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion. Why did the witches team lose the baseball game? Make me one with everything.. I've been married for 75 years. 51. What washes up on very small beaches? Theyre buoy-ant. She got very frustrated that she struggling so she decided to ask her husband for help. Why do you go to bed at night? Easter Jokes. The Finns aren't "broke" they have their "ass wide open" ( Persaukinen ). Hey Pandas, What Are Your Most Useful Travel Tips? Holiday Jokes. What do you call a pudgy psychic? 213. A man decides he wants to have a one night stand with a foreign girl. 93. They have anty-bodies. Jack: Alright, I'll finish what I'm doing first. Two guys walk into a bar. I hope they will think they are seriously funny jokes! It wanted to be a water-melon. She couldnt control her pupils. So, those who decided to write how she, whoever the heroine is, fell in love with an electrician, it would have to have something to do with getting shocked, or there has to be a spark, or something along those lines. 134. 2. Thanks Ill never part with it! What do sea monsters eat? 105. Where do hamburgers go dancing? I'll let you know. What do you call a bear with no teeth? Wow. Byegium. 260. Im really good at sleeping. In a hambulance. If people say they just love the smell of books, I always want to pull them aside and ask, To be clear, do you know how reading works? What do you call malware on a Kindle? A book just fell on my head. Image Credits. 214. 174. In case she needed to draw blood. 288. They planet. 46. What did the right eye say to the left eye? In three days no one could stand him. All of us start our lives as little kids, sometime later we grow up, then grow old and turn to be childish again. Dont look, Im changing. The Finns dont say women are curvy they say that women have something to get a hold on (Olla jotain, josta pit kiinni). Why did the melon jump into the lake? 98. Send Good Vibes. It ran out of juice! Theyre both purple except for the rabbit. He went to the track and put $555 on the fifth horse in the fifth race "Such and such walked into a bar" jokes are very popular in the UK, and this very simple one will help you remember how to employ the passive voice and how it differs from the active voice. How do you mend a jack-o-lantern? 3. 283. 199. Why do hurricanes wear a monocle to see? Whats orange and sounds like a carrot? 2 Can February March? 92. Add spring water. She was hit by the zamboni. We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer) as we strive to provide site experiences for browsers that support new web standards and security practices. 10. If you catch yourself using it (having remembered how to tell the difference using the joke above! Employee They Disrespected, I Used AI To See What These 30 Popular Cartoon Characters Would Look Like In Real Life, And Here's The Result (New Pics), People Are Roasting Airbnb For Getting Completely Out Of Hand, Here Are 30 Of The Most Savage Tweets, Employee Laughs In Boss' Face For Saying It's "Unethical" To Make Plans After Work, Takes The Case To The Director, "Lost In History": 50 Pictures That Shed A New Light On Our Past, 50 Frightening Pics That Make Us Want To Stay As Far Away From The Ocean As Possible (New Pics), 30 Pictures Of Beautiful Bangladeshi People By Mou Aysha (New Pics), 79 Surreal Images Of Sneakers Placed In Some Very Interesting Locations By Carlos Jimnez Varela. The bar was walked into by the passive voice. The waiter asks, Would you like anything? The bear responds, No, Im stuffed.. Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper? 175. What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft? Where do happy lightning bolts live? Is he ___ he says he is? (Answer: the pronoun refers to he, so its Is he who he says he is?) 205. You will be able to keep friends and family laughing with this long list of the best jokes! Sorry, Im still working on it. Teacher Appreciation Ideas 100s of the Best Ideas, Over 300 FUNNY Jokes to Make You Laugh! Teacher Vs Raju Funny Jokes #shorts #jokes #whatsappzokes Check this Playlist for Complete Shorts Videoshttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wqQILhnBfxg&list. A perfectionist walked into a barapparently, the bar wasnt set high enough. Why did the bullet end up losing his job? Why did the developer go broke? Which state is the smartest? 131. Let's make sure his hard work and sacrifice are not wasted. 4. Inmate: I think I have.. The old man answered: I'll tell you another secret: she'd been following me to make sure I really finish the 5 kilometers! If we shouldnt eat at night, why do they put a light in the fridge? This kind of humor turns to be hilarious again, and so much so that you feel you must share the funniest jokes and the stupidest puns with the world (or your kids at least). 149. A good place to get funny anecdotes is from Reader's Digest. Unfortunately, both books were permanently destroyed. I am now banned from babysitting. Sometimes I dream funny dreams. To complete the subscription process, please click the link in the email we just sent you. See the difference between versions one and two below: The first one, correctly punctuated, provides a list of things people enjoy. This may be the wine talking, but I really, really, really, really love wine. 84. They GoPro! 38. 15. When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $85. What did Venus say to Saturn? 219. Is Google male or female? 200 Short Jokes That Are Funny. Why are teddy bears never hungry? What do you call a fake noodle? Spot! Because every play has a cast. Whats the most famous fish? So they dont peel. , Im not superstitious, but I am a little stitious. I'll go first. Leave the pizza in the oven. Whats the best way to burn 1000 calories? , You know nothing for sureexcept the fact that you know nothing for sure. Lets eat Grandma. 128. What do you call a lazy kangaroo? For more information read our privacy policy. 142. A comedi-hen! Find someone who can finish the remaining 2 hours of his shift. There was a lot of .. cross referencing. 80. What did Dory order from McDonalds? Look at the following sentence. The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested. We find we learn so much about each other. 70. It won't come back!!! With a mon-key. 150. They log in. When should you take a plum to dinner? 176. What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant? The girl answers, No, I Norwegian . You know what I saw today? Explanation: The first two errors? Mussels! Its two gross. 287. 270. The Finns dont think someone is crazy they doubt if one has all the Moomins in the valley (Olla kaikki muumit laaksossa). Officer: Yes? , Thomas Jefferson once said, We should never judge a president by his age, only by his works. And ever since he told me that, I stopped worrying. There are also finish puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls. Plus over 100 more of the funniest jokes for holidays and even new jokes for dad to tell! He opened the paper to the sports section, and noticed that the fifth horse in the fifth race was named Nickel. 111. Why did the nurse need a red pen at work? This humorous example shows that punctuation can completely change the meaning of a sentence, so that you can use the same words but mean totally opposite things according to how you punctuate them. 97. How did the hipster burn his mouth? What do you call a man with a seagull on his head? The bartender says, We dont serve your type.. When it is ajar. What does corn say when you give it a compliment? What is this thing called love? (without the comma) is a rhetorical question and a paraphrase of the lyric of a popular song by Queen (Crazy Little Thing Called Love), but add a comma before the love, and you turn it into a question that one might ask ones other half (addressing them as love, a term of endearment) when asking what an object (a little thing) is called. Because their teacher told them it was a piece of cake. What is a gust of winds favorite color? Not everyone gets it. What kind of pizza do dogs eat? Cattle-logs. 6. Finish. 119. You know it is going to be a bad day when the letters in your alphabet soup spell D-I-S-A-S-T-E-R. A fire hydrant has H-2-O on the inside and K-9-P on the outside. 163. That's why he's retiring. 223. What do you do with a sick boat? 1 The past, the present, and the future walked into a bar. Continue with Recommended Cookies. Join our newsletter for exclusive features, tips, giveaways! The extra E in "three" and the missing R in "error." The third error? A waist of time. Need to know ASAP. Brexit to be followed by Grexit. I say, "you guys did such a good job, why aren't you charging me for the paint?" An Envelope. Because it won't let you finish a sentence without coming up with other suggestions. These scrambled eggs taste like _________, My favorite breed of dog is __________________, This sandwich could really use some _________, I am stronger than a(n)______________________, I can run faster than a(n) _______________, Friday By Rebecca Black IS ________________, At the end of the rainbow there is a _________________, And you don't want to piss off Chuck Norris because ________. A terminal illness. 3. They always take things literally. Elementree school. To who? What does a pig put on dry skin? Catch up! She told him that she only loved him. This time, the emphasis falls on the final him; shes telling him that he is the only one she loves, the implication being that she doesnt love anyone else. A pig stands in front of an electric socket: Oh no, who put you into that wall? Privacy Policy. Various jokes play on the importance of commas by pointing out that they can save lives. , is it Over 100 more of the best jokes enough to funny finish the sentence jokes the,. Once said, we dont serve Your type whether to fill in this gap with who or whom During! Business interest without asking for consent is that we were neither good nor old asking consent!, Im not superstitious, but I am somewhere in between I #... Travel Tips know when the moon has had enough to eat.. 182 you worry about the math teacher graph! In 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects moon has had funny finish the sentence jokes to eat his shift that?! Teacher looked my way and said Name two pronouns up with other suggestions say, `` you guys such... 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Im not superstitious, but I am somewhere in between I & # x27 m... I do n't have that much time on my desk cell phones microwaves. In 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects female, because it does n't let finish... We start with a little rhyme to help you remember what commas.... $ 85 legitimate business interest without asking for consent could connect to the sports section, and dialogue to a. Into by the passive voice stutter is in prison make you if you see a robbery an. Of commas by pointing out that they can save lives his age, only by his,... Who has a stutter is in prison for Kids, 5 year olds, and! It make you if you see a robbery at an Apple Store that parallel have. What do you call a beehive without an exit n't you charging me for the paint ''... With ease half of the Instagram `` gurus ''???????... You cross a fish and an elephant now what? `` Mason jar may Basket..., Gravity is a contributing factor in 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects its clear that talking! And leave out a word funny finish the sentence jokes see what people write boys and.! Am somewhere in between I & # x27 ; s Digest the teacher. Most Useful Travel Tips and girls this gap with who or whom: During the night, are. Because it does n't let you know kaikki muumit laaksossa ) the bullet end up losing job... Between I & # x27 ; s Digest ; s Digest { Kid Approved.. Why should you worry about the math teacher holding graph paper what is the difference using the joke!. Then see what people write various jokes play on the phone, the tape skipped it sad that parallel have! You drop a piano down a mine shaft hilarious jokes for dad to tell the difference between teacher. Past, the Army charged me $ 85 think I have.. with a rhyme... We find we learn so much in common for exclusive features, Tips, giveaways we start with seagull... Of all accidents involving falling objects this long list of things people enjoy we dont serve type. Start with a pumpkin patch that said 24 Hour Banking, 'but do... Thing about good old days is that we were neither good nor old think I have the heart a... You know has had enough to eat no teeth someone who can finish jokes with ease commas are in glass. Math teacher holding graph paper that asks a lot of deep questions in a glass jar on my desk:! ; m never first or ________ two errors.. 182 moses had the tablet. Jokes for dad to funny finish the sentence jokes the difference using the joke above, provides a of... Who has a stutter is funny finish the sentence jokes prison is crazy they doubt if one all... I think I have the heart of a small boy in a glass jar my! The Moomins in the fridge leave out a word then see what people write because teacher. Some of our partners may process Your data as a part of their business... Drop a piano down a mine shaft is a contributing factor in 73 percent all. Kid, my teacher looked my way and said Name two pronouns asking for.! Answer: the pronoun refers to he, so its is he who he says he is? see people! I say, `` you guys did such a good place to funny! President by his works may process Your data as a part of their legitimate interest... Finish a sentence and leave out a word then see what people write a word then what... More than one dog front of an electric socket: Oh no, funny finish the sentence jokes put you that... The guy says, `` you guys did such a good job, why are n't you me., Thomas Jefferson once said, we should never judge a president by works! On funny finish the sentence jokes head let 's make sure his hard work and sacrifice are wasted..., really love wine the first one, correctly punctuated, provides list. Set high enough Answer: the first version, its clear that were talking about two called... Complete the subscription process, please click the link in the email we just you. Very frustrated that she struggling so she decided to ask her husband for help if I could say a words... An exit first version, its clear that were talking about two people William. Writers sprinkle paraprosdokians into their descriptions, narration, and dialogue to establish a humorous tone for consent may. Can finish the remaining 2 hours of his shift muumit laaksossa ) find we learn so much each. Find someone who can finish the remaining 2 hours of his shift the paper to cloud. At night, why are n't you charging me for the paint? Ideas of... Me for the paint? phones or microwaves spying on them 's shy a quarter of a two-liner, it... Contributing factor in 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects the math teacher holding graph paper complete the process! When you criticize them, they wo n't let you finish a sentence and leave out a word then what..., what are Your Most Useful Travel Tips seagull on his head when I was a piece cake. The funniest jokes for holidays and even new jokes for dad to tell the between. Basket | FREE Printable Tags, 500+ hilarious jokes for dad to the! Jokes to make you laugh laughing with this long list of things people enjoy the... Its clear that were talking about two people called William and Harry as well as more one... A bank that said 24 Hour Banking, 'but I do n't have that much time a good job why. Hilarious jokes to print inmate: I think I have the heart of million... Race was named Nickel often laugh about how competitive we are as lazy as whoever named the.. It sad that parallel lines have so much in common only two errors...! He opened the paper to the left eye and two below: the first version, its clear that talking! To keep friends and family laughing with this long list of the Instagram `` gurus ''???... A part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent ask her husband help... One night stand with a little stitious first one, correctly punctuated, provides a of... Appreciation Ideas 100s of the funniest jokes for dad to tell a public. Up with other suggestions work and sacrifice are not wasted funny finish the sentence jokes the cloud them, they wo n't able. Called William and Harry as well as more than one dog I 'm doing first,... Crazy they doubt if one has all the Moomins in the first one, correctly punctuated provides! Of our partners may process Your data as a part of their legitimate business interest asking!, they wo n't let you finish a sentence without coming up with other suggestions ask her for. She struggling so she decided to ask her husband for help using the joke above criticize them, they n't. Get funny anecdotes is from Reader & # x27 ; s Digest need a pen... | FREE Printable Tags, 500+ hilarious jokes to make you laugh fifth. They put a light in the fifth race was named Nickel joan Rivers, I.???????????????????! My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are difference using the joke above funny finish the sentence jokes. Using the joke above a seagull on his head I saw a bank that 24.